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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Witch vs. Witch

September 2nd, 2010 jamiefreeman 1 comment

Dear Witchful Thinking,

I found your site in a search for ways to protect my home from a guest who I am going to have to invite into my home, but this woman, who is also a Witch, does not not like me and I do not trust her. I am Wiccan also, my distrust isn’t due to her beliefs. I need some advice on ways to protect my home when inviting an unfriendly guest who could cause harm into it. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Blessed Be,

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

There’s an old saying that goes “guests are like fish, they stink after three days”. Ok, it’s not a very nice thing to say, but there is something to it. Back in the day, maybe our parents generation, folks knew what it meant to be a guest. This included cleaning up after yourself, offering to cook one night, and generally not trying to be much of a burden on the host. Now-a-days, guests expect it to be like at a hotel, where they are waited on hand and foot. Some open communication with your guest could really help–especially establish when she will be leaving.

I assume that since you have to invite this guest into your home, that you are either 1) related, 2) working on a business deal, 3) trying to please your partner who wants them to visit, or 4) taking a charity case and you are the nicest person ever.

In Wicca, we recognize that sometimes people we don’t like are actually very like us. It is what we see in them that we don’t like about ourselves. So what is it about this woman that you dislike so much? Is it her manners? Her attitude? Or just the fact that she doesn’t like you? And does she really not like you? Or do you just think that she doesn’t like you?

I don’t know what kind of harm this woman can do to you that you would allow. If she breaks something like a vase, that harm can often be mended. Even if it is irreplaceable–it’s just stuff. If she leaves “bad vibes”, you can clean them up when she’s not looking, and recognize that it’s probably only upsetting you anyway (you’re the sensitive Witch, after all!). Will she physically hurt your animals or children? That’s unacceptable for anyone, Witch or no, and she should know better (after all, who needs that kind of 3-fold return Karma??). So what kind of harm are we talking about?

www.explodingdog.com is worth a look!

Not everyone will like you. Sometimes they are projecting their own past on you. Perhaps you symbolize something distasteful to them. Sometimes they just have the wrong impression. Often their values are different than yours. It doesn’t make sense, but I think you know it is true. Something about you scares them–and that there is valuable information that you should try to find out! With that info, you can work on it and learn to help them have some compassion for you. Here’s the thing: it goes the other way, too: As Above, So Below, right?

Remember that Wiccans work for the highest good for all involved, especially because we reap our own Karma. Is starting a Witch War going to help you do that? Your guest may not have the same values that you do, even if you are both Witches, but hold true to YOUR highest ideals and strive ever toward them (Thanks Uncle Al!).

So, it sounds like you can’t change the situation. But you can change your mind. Imagine this woman is, well, a Witch–she challenges you and rubs you the wrong way and might cast a spell on you. You can’t fight her with sword and shield, so you must defeat her in less obvious ways. You are the hero in the journey and story of self-awareness and personal growth. You will defeat her because you know the ways of magic. You know that you are powerful, and nothing she can do will truly harm you (after all, a curse only works if you believe in it). You listen to her and are kind to her because you know that she can teach you something about yourself and about the world.

My advice in real life? Kill her with kindness. Make food she’ll enjoy. Make her comfortable. If she gets petty, take the highest road. If you think she’s casting spells on you, utterly ignore them. If her vibes are trashing your house, cover them with your light vibes of peace and tranquility (and a little sage or cedar never hurt either). Do not sink to her level and engage in a Witch War. I promise you will both lose.

Perhaps this isn’t the advice you wanted. But I honestly believe that when you cast spells on people, your Karma gets tangled with theirs. And I know I don’t want to be tangled with someone I don’t actually like. I trust that the Gods and the Laws of Karma will even things out in the long run. Until then, I’m free to change myself–and so are you. You have a valuable opportunity for learning here. I suggest you take it and run with it!

Otherwise, check out this article on clearing spaces and keeping magically safe.

Tangled Karmic Yarn.

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Pagan Jokes I

August 23rd, 2010 jamiefreeman 2 comments

Some of them are even funny! I snagged and edited them off of here.

From:  NanSanders

How many Garnerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Can’t say. It’s oathbound.
How many Alexandrians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Same number as Gardnerians.
How many Dianics does it take to change a lightbulb?
That’s not funny!!!!


From: Outpagan Q: What is a male honeybee's favorite magickal item? A: The caul-drone Q: What kind of furniture does a Goddess worshipper prefer? A: Wicker Q: Why did the Wiccan novitiate give up pork? A: She thought the Rede said, "Chew what you will, but ham?--none."
From: Sisterlynx How many Solitaries does it take to change a lightbulb? Who cares!
From: Outpagan A high priest tells his coven member, "Hey, I heard a new fundie joke today." The member replies, "Man, you're always slamming fundies. Why don't you tell us a Martian joke instead?" "OK, Two Martians are carrying their Bibles to church. The first Martian says, 'At the revival last week, I led 15 new souls to accept Jesus Christ as their personal saviour' and the other Martian says--" "Never mind," says the member.
From: EastLion That's almost as bad as the one I heard about the Dyslexic devil-worshipper. He sold his soul to Santa.
From: Sekhmet59 (Mild slam, but I liked the joke...) What's the difference between New Age and Pagan? About $500.00 a weekend.
From: ASBrowne01 I'm sure you are all familiar with the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays awake all night wondering if there is a Dog....
From: Great Seer The definition of "SAINT": "A dead liberal who is worshipped by living conservatives." (Just something I overheard at a Unitarian service this morning...)
From: SpotedWolf Hey, us dyslexics have a sense of humor, too. The bumper sticker 'Dyslexics of the world Untie" --it works
From: ROOCAT I recently saw a bumper sticker that said D. A. M. -- Mothers Against Dyslexia
From: Beasty101 How many Dianacs does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.
From: Mitheldhae When God Created Men She must have been Drunk and Horny!
From: WITRHAWK How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb??? None.. they call the electrician who's also pagan and keeps the money in THEIR community.
From: Ciorstag How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb??? None -- if a candle was good enough for Gramma it's good enough for me!
From: Rhiahnnon2 I know we are all sick of the "Confuscious say" jokes, but I have to rehash them for this message board =D "Confuscious say man who sits alone in church, sits in his own pew" ***Groan!***** "Confuscious say man who stands on toilet is high on pot" ******Double Groan!!!******
From: Thorolf A personal favorite: How many Asatruar does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The light from the burning monastery is sufficient, thank you. And the old Nordic classic: Why don't Norse pagans perform the Great Rite? Because it's impossible to get a saxknife into a beer bottle.
From: LadyCharis Q: What is a witch's favorite snack? A: PAN pizza
From: Outpagan Q: What's a witch's favorite subject in school? A: SPELLing.
From: Rhiahnnon2 I've got two bumper stickers (I can't use them or the hubby will get hell on base) one says "Life's a witch and then you fly" the other says "Beam me back Merlin" They're not knee thumpers, but I think they're cute :)
From: Outpagan WHY M&M'S ARE WICCAN: * MM = Merry Meet * Round shape for wheel of the year, cycle of seasons * Skins are different colors, but the inside is the same chocolate, because we are all related. * Associations with the colors: Red = South Green = West Dark Brown = North Yellow = East Orange = For the Solar God Light Brown = For the Earth Mother (Copper Woman) * Rotate the M & M: M = 13th letter of alphabet, and there are 13 witches in a coven 3 = Triple Goddess, three phases of moon W = Witchcraft, Wiccan E = Enlightenment, Enchantment of chocolate * "Melt in your mouth, not in your hand"--God/dess's love must be experienced directly to appreciate. Also, God/dess will take care of you. * Sweetness to remind us of how sweet the love of the God and Goddess is!
From: Aarmanda Those are great bumper stickers. I got one from a friend today that has a picture of Barbie dressed all femnist and it says "Barbie gets a Brain"
From: Nosferati Try this one, I ran across it once: ***ERROR #666 HARD DRIVE POSESSED! Load EXOR.SYS (Y/N)*** (actually I stole it from YeloRoz) When that happens, and EXOR.SYS doesn't work, do you 'ascii' a priest? And with spirits, you can get slimed. With a posessed HD, do you get 'gui'ed??
From: ArachneG Here's one you can just about get shot for where I live (Georgia) but I like it anyway: If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
From: Ausrine Sign in a Wiccan bookstore: "No Shoplifting! Offenders will be Possessed! Second-time Offenders will be Re-Possessed!"
From: VacmClnrMn What is one thing you never have to worry about? Your airplane being hijacked by a group of radical Unitarians. Also, I heard something before about a modern Wicca who used a vacuum cleaner instead of a broom and a 24 caliber instead of a knife (hey, it's still phallic!)
From: EastLion At a store I used to go to there was a parchment affixed to the wall with a daggar that read "Shoplifters will be merrily hacked to pieces!", needless to say, I don't think they had much of a problem.
From: J FoxDavis How do you scare a UU (Unitarian Universalist) our of your neighborhood? Answer: Burn a Question Mark on their lawn.....
From: LdyHawke Long ago when I belonged to an Artists' Cooperative...we had many fragile hand crafted items sitting around on shelves. Since we were located in a local shopping mall we had much foot traffic by parents who saw no need to look after their children much to our dismay. Finally a sign we posted at the door seemed to get our message accross... WARNING! Unattended children may be eaten by starving artists!
From: Mariah Q Q: How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles. Q: How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb? A: Thirteen; one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink enough to make the room spin. Q: How many ceremonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: One; he stands still with the bulb, and the universe revolves around him.
From: Axe of Men This is one of the BEST ideas to come out the Pagan Community since including Duct Tape as the sixth element. The following jokes were told to me by a Thelemite, and thus I am completely exonerated from the retelling. How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb? None. Crowley never wrote a book about it. What do Thelemites do for foreplay? The LBRP. And... How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into.
From: LdyHawke BumperStickers found on the Information SuperHighway.......
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
  • Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
  • Heck is a place for people who don’t believe in Gosh.
  • I had my car’s alignment checked. It’s chaotic evil!
  • A squirrel is just a rat with good P.R.

From: Rhiahnnon2 Speaking of Bumper stickers, i just saw these today in my new issue of Abyss. The hubby and I died laughing :D
  • ” I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures “
  • “I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to”
  • “Jesus is coming. Look Busy!”
  • “My family is more dysfunctional than your family”
  • “Re-elect Clinton-Gore and their husbands”
  • “God Please save me from your followers”
  • “I have the body of a god: Buddha”
  • “Jesus saves! By using double coupons & shopping wisely”

From: RebeccaMac Lest we forget the sign that was on the wall at the Abyss in Easthampton, Mass., "Unattended children will be sold as slaves."
From: BethMichel as one who can't remember any jokes... here goes - A skeptic goes in to see a fortune teller. "You are the father of 2 children," the fortune teller says. "That's what you think! I'm the father of 3 children!," says the man. "That's what you think," says the fortune teller.
From: Silver Elg I heard these on a BBS here in Phoenix, thought I'd share them...
  • WASP…We Are Sexy Pagans
  • Please hold… All Muse are busy right now, but your insperation is importent to us….
  • Starclad dancing to the drums, Something Wiccan this way comes..
  • The goddess is alive and She ate my homework…

From: JaneRHCB Having been brought up Catholic, I saw a postcard once that I thought was the funniest thing I ever saw. A nun was angrily standing over a sheepish little boy who was writing on the chalk board "a hundred times" as instructed by the nun: "I am peronally responsible for the agony of Jesus Christ." I showed it to my brother who happens to be a Catholic priest and he didn't laugh, and told me to 'be careful..." I'm so glad to see this folder, and that we can indeed laugh at ourselves. So...how long does it take to get over the GUILT for being personally responsible for the agony...oh, never mind.
From: Rowan354 How may light bulbs does it take to change a Gardnerian? None, they can do it all by themselves, thank you very much!!
From: Rowan354
  • witches do it in the moonlight
  • practice safe hex
  • misspellers of the world, unit!!
  • we’re gardnerians…off with your clothes
  • i’m doin my part to piss of the religious right…..r u??

From: Outpagan I am so pleased to see how this folder is growing...makes me laugh every time I check the messages. Has anyone heard the filk version of "Gimme That Old Time Religion"? I first heard it at a political march, but only remember three verses. From the East there is Buddha, He really is much cutah, Comes in brass and glass and pewtah, And that's good enough for me. CHORUS: Gimme that old time religion (x3) It's good enough for me. Have you seen Aphrodite, In her sexy, filmy nighty, Sometimes she can be flighty, But that's good enough for me. Chorus... Then there is the Horned One, Of all the Gods, he's most fun, He likes to hunt in woods and run, And that's good enough for me. Chorus...
From: Outpagan While I'm at it, here's another light-hearted chant for circle use: Hooray for ( or "we love") the Sun God, He is a fun God, Rah, Rah, Rah. Most appropriate for the coming summer months. I'd love to hear a Goddess version.
From: Sekhmet59 Ooh, an old favorite. A few verses of this appeared in Larry Niven's _Dream Park_. Let's see if I can recall them... It was good enough for Isis She will help us in a crisis And she's never raised her prices, So she's good enough for me! (Chorus) It was good enough for Kali Though embracing her is folly She'd be quite an armful...golly! And she's good enough for me! (Chorus) It was good enough for Odin Though those omens were forbodin' 'Til at last the giants rode in, And it's good enough for me! (Chorus, of course...)
From: MIDSUMMER Ankh if you love Isis!!
From: Domesday ::::::::bumper sticker seen in Virginia suburbs near D.C.:::::: Domineering, coldhearted, vicious bitch seeks submissive, warmhearted, caring man for INTENSE love/hate relationship!
From: TempleLuna This is an old bumper sticker: "Sorry, my karma just ran over your dogma."
From: MIDSUMMER this one is a little late. Did you hear, Easter is canceled this year........yeah, they found the body. If you are offended by this one, lighten up its only a joke ( they didn't really cancel easter)
From: Card Lady2 Oh I'm tired of ronald reagan He's too square to be a pagan Let's all vote for carl Sagan 'cause he's good enough for me From my hubby. Also he wants to know if anyone has the compleete version of "plastic jesus" "I don't care if it rains or freezes as long as I got my plastic jesus... Plastic jesus Plastic jesus Plastic jesus sittin' on the dashboard of my car pretty soon you'll have to go You're magnet's ruinin' my radio Plastic jesus sittin' on my car!"
From: J0dawi Possibly original with Wednesday / alt.magick / alt.magick.pagan / etc. Possibly misquoted: (Think B-52's, i think: "The Love Shack" song...) "The Love Law is a little place where We can Will together Love Law 93, ..." And... "Love in the Raw, Love on the Pill."
From: Silver Elg I thought I'd ad some one-liner's I've seen or heard. (mostly taglines..) --- What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub? - Self-Cleaning Coven ----Get a taste for religion, Lick a Witch! ---Best thing about Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on...

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Sacred Images?

July 8th, 2010 jamiefreeman 1 comment

I’m always looking for creative ways to celebrate the Gods. In particular, I have altars around my home to invite that energy in, so there is an altar to Demeter, Hestia is in the kitchen, and Aphrodite at the door so naught but love shall enter in. Athena, of course, is next to me at the computer. You get the idea. But the other day, I ran across these: Aphrodite Barbie and Athena Barbie.

And I thought to myself…are these sacred images? Or are these images profaned by becoming so commercialized? I mean, BARBIE of all toys!

I can imagine myself, as a little girl, absolutely LOVING these toys. I wasn’t big on dolls to begin with (I think I had one Skipper doll and a New Kid on the Block as the entirety of my personal collection). But I loved stories, and Greek mythology, and would have enjoyed playing with these dolls. It is only as an adult that I came to believe in the sacredness and truth that the Gods bring to our lives. As a kid, I would have kept my dolls in my toy box, amongst the lost marbles (ha!), Jurassic Park toys and stuffed animals. Only as an adult would I consider putting a toy on a shelf and never playing with it.

And these aren’t exactly toys. You see, they cost upwards of $300, as highly desired collectibles.

Here is the artistic conundrum, then: if pop art is profane, then putting sacred images into pop art should thus profane the sacredness, right?

I dunno. I’m sort of intrigued by this idea of using a toy on the altar. Maybe we’ve gotten too serious about this whole sacred image idea anyway. Who better to loosen it up but Barbie, the fun-loving spoiled perfect beauty. When it comes down to it, isn’t Barbie really Aphrodite anyway? Isn’t the act of playing with a beautiful woman, dressing and undressing her, doing her hair and picking out her shoes just worship of Aphrodite?

And then we have Athena. Isn’t Athena what Barbie isn’t? Athena, like all Goddesses, is beautiful, but she doesn’t use it, even as a tactical advantage. Athena is what Barbie wishes she could be, but can’t. I mean, Barbie can be a Vet or a Pediatrician, but she’s not President, or a Tenured Professor. But the act of playing with Athena Barbie to solve problems and outwit your opponents (that Ken! Always wanting a date! Whatever will I do?!) could potentially be a worship of Athena. I dunno. I’m troubled by it.

Still, I want it for my altar, or for when I have children (let them be girls!) I would let them play with these sacred images instead of the pop culture perfection that is Barbie. They’re a little out of my price range, so I might have to settle for this instead:

From "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Theif" Toy Zeus

What Would Zeus Do, indeed. I bet he’d have a go at Barbie Aphrodite. And I guess I don’t have a hard time believing that a hot Goddess Athena would pop out of his head…

What do you think? Does having the Gods as action figures intrigue or disgust you? Is it sacred or profane? Can you mix the pop culture with sacred culture? Would you put toys on your altars or use them in magical work?

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[Humor] Bring Me the Head of Apollo!

June 24th, 2010 jamiefreeman No comments

Now, my mother is not Pagan. But she loves the Mediterranean and the art of old Europe. Since she retired, she’s been traveling the world taking classes with famous glass lampwork artists. I’m still working on getting her to take me to Greece…

Anyway, since she’s retired, she’s also taken up decorating, and has done things to the house and the garden that are quite lovely. My favorite is the sitting area in the yard, with a three-foot tall statue of Demeter, revealing her leg. It is a replica of a classic statue, and the leg is filthy from the farmers that have touched it, asking for her blessing. I do the same when I am there. The sitting area also includes a statue of Athena, and a head of Apollo. That is, until recently.

Mom: Um, sweetie, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything…but could you bring my head back?

Me: The what?

Mom: Apollo. He’s been stolen!

So apparently some really tough kids or possibly gang members have stolen it. I told mom that, perhaps, he just got tired of sitting in the yard and wanted to go places. Surely, she’ll receive a post card from him soon. Like that traveling gnome in Amelie. But maybe, since he’s just a head, he’ll send pictures of him wearing different hats from around the world.

You wish your vacation was this awesome!!

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Gods in the Modern World: Artemis

May 6th, 2010 jamiefreeman No comments

I was chatting with my sweetheart and thinking about the Gods, as one does. I wondered about Gods in the modern world, especially after reading American Gods and the Percy Jackson series.

I was thinking about Artemis, and how she often uses a bow to go on hunts in the woods with her female companions. But in the modern world, and tell me what you think….would she use a gun instead? I mean, would she translate to a shotgun toting, camo-wearing country dweller out for a prize buck?

My sweetheart says no, that it wouldn’t be sportly. The purpose of the bow isn’t power, it’s the sportswomanship of the chase. Still, I’m sure she would appreciate some fine tools.

Consequently, dear Artemis, may I present you with this:

This, friends, is the Browning Micro Midas (not THAT Midas!), designed with to be used by all abilities and ages, you can select the perfect bow for your ability and needs. It’s cool, it’s fast, it’s quality. And I bet Artemis already has it.

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How to Identify A Witch: Part the Second

March 2nd, 2010 jamiefreeman 1 comment

It is so easy to mock our Salem ancestors for assuming that everything about them makes them a Witch. But how can we identify each other now? This is an ever-evolving list, like a living document, so add on your own thoughts in the comments!

A pointy hat and a cauldron also helps in identification.

So here we go, in no particular order….How to Identify a Witch!

  1. Tattoos–look to the quality and quantity of them. It’s not that we’re into pain, or anything, but we are into expressing ourselves, yes? While the fact of having some ink isn’t a dead give away, ask them why they got it and you’re likely to get a very personal and spiritual answer. I had thought to make a blog dedicated to Pagan tattoos, the symbolism and why they got them. I wish I had more ink.
  2. Long or wild hair–we aren’t known for being uptight and responsible. Many Witches I know have that curly, uncontrollable hair. I wear my hair quite long, as do many Pagan men I know. Perhaps it is our hippie ancestors coming out, or a general disregard to societies mores about personal appearance. I could go into Pauline accounts of why women should cover their hair and aren’t God-like, but who has the time.
  3. Always know the moon phase– I don’t know why it should come up in conversation, but a Witch always seems to know if we are waxing or waning. A good one will know what zodiac sign it is in and do magic accordingly. As a woman, it’s also handy to keep track of when to expect one’s menstruation.
  4. They offer a natural remedy for a problem–I love natural remedies. I often keep several salves in my purse for different skin problems, or a anti-bug spray, or some natural digestive enzymes. It is likely that the Witch has made the salve.
  5. Lots of candles–A Witch won’t mind when the power goes out, she’ll just make a romantic evening out of it! But she won’t light the candle that is consecrated for a specific spell. Nope. We are very particular about our candles.
  6. Incense in aromas other than patchouli–don’t get me wrong, I love the earthy smell of the stuff. But I also recognize there are a lot of other uses for incense besides covering up…you know.
  7. A rather large collection of books–this has always puzzled me. If Wicca is a nature religion, why the heck do we have so many books? Maybe it’s because we don’t have the “one” book, so we use lots? Well, look for subjects like mythology, herbalism, shamanism and alchemy.  And Buckland’s Big Blue book is probably a give away too…
  8. Talking to Animals–dogs, cats, birds, snakes, rats, horses…just like our witchy ancestors were accused of doing, we definitely do it. When you believe that all animals are beloved of the Gods–including ourselves–then it only seems polite to talk to them, ask them about their day, and tell them when we’ll be home. Learning to see the world from your pet’s point of view is a wonderful exercise in empathy and compassion.
  9. Rather too many rings–we call it the Pagan Brass Knuckles when you have a ring or two on each finger. I suppose we are expressing our plurality, and the silver looks really cool all together. It’s customizable, so you can change it based on the moon or the day of the week.
  10. Wears a Pentacle–this is the big give away. Look to the throat region for what one wants to keep close to their heart. Things people wear as necklaces almost always convey something they value dearly. Especially if they wear it every day. I take choosing a pentacle very seriously, and have only had three in the time I’ve been practicing Paganism to denote certain periods of my life. It’s a great way to identify each other when you don’t know how out they are. A simple “Nice necklace” can subtly say “I know who you are” and implies that you are probably one too. Then they are free to start a conversation, if they are so inclined, out of the broom closet, or have the time.

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How to Identify a Witch: Part the First

March 2nd, 2010 jamiefreeman No comments

Check out this extremely amusing article on How to Identify a Witch, and tomorrow we’ll make our own list! Thanks to KJ for pointing this out to me.

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Ask the Oracle

February 24th, 2010 jamiefreeman No comments

I’m a little bit obsessed with this website right now. It’s like free therapy–I wish I’d thought of it! You’ll have to forgive any typos because the author’s language of birth is Finnish. The Oracle knows everything! It predicted good things for this blog, so it must be true!

So check out the Oracle of Delphi!

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Apparently, That's Not Mine…

February 3rd, 2010 jamiefreeman 1 comment

My tradition, when you begin to study, is rather tool-heavy. That is, we use a wide variety of ritual tools during our Esbats and Sabbats–besoms, swords, candles, anointing oil, etc. If you read my article awhile ago about ritual tools, you’ll remember that we learn to work without them almost before we get really proficient with them. I love the tools. Finding and collecting them is a very good time. I love going into a shop and finding just the right thing that is “totally me”.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that just because you buy something does not mean it belongs to you…

The Fey

Call them Fairies, Fey, Kami-sama, the Lares, goblins, gnomes, elves, brownies…whatever cultural name they go by, it is hard to deny their existence once you know they are there (and a little rude to deny it too!). They are small, often invisible beings that live in our homes, in the garden, and generally out in nature. They help our plants grow, change the weather, put dew drops on spiderwebs and, I suspect, mock us humans. Plus, they move your car keys, steal your left socks from the dryer, and will totally take shiny things that appeal to them (that one necklace, for example). They can also take your ritual tools. If you find yourself distinctly remembering where you put something, and finding it not there or anywhere near there, it is possible you have been visited by the Fey!

How To Deal

They Fey can’t be reasoned with, but they can totally be bribed. You can leave them something appropriate and shiny, like a amethyst crystal or a cool sea shell. Leaving out a bowl of honey and milk is traditional, but I’ve found that a bottle of whiskey goes a lot further. Offer half up front, and the rest, plus more, when the object is returned to you. You’ll likely find it in plain sight within a week.

A Friend

Pagans are notoriously flaky, but they do love their books and often read widely. When you lose something to a friend it often happens when you loan something out and then completely forget about it. For me, this mostly happens with books, particularly Cunningham’s Guide for the Solitary Practitioner. I’ve owned at least three different copies. Sometimes people will give one to me in a box of books I “might like”. I have no idea where the original copy that first guided me went to. The truth is that I don’t need it anymore, and have a dozen other books on the same topic. If I had another copy, I’d just give it away again. So whenever I do come across one, I recognize that, really, I’m holding it for a friend!

How to Deal

You could write your name in the book, and keep a list of what is coming and going. I find that trusting them to remember to return it doesn’t work out best for me in the long run. I usually limit the number of books I loan out, and try not to loan something I use regularly.

A Complete Stranger

This is an odd category, but I have lost items to complete strangers. I make it a habit to pay attention to that little voice in my head. Sometimes it speaks more clearly than others. Once I purchased a candle holder at a shop, and then later that week made candles. As I admired my new altar decoration, I was struck with that little voice, “that’s not yours”. Fine, well if it’s not mine, then whose was it? I had to wait four months to find out. I went to a festival, and happened to bring along the candle stuff, thinking I might have a chance to use it. Instead, I gave it to a complete stranger in the dining hall. She was as surprised as I was! Later I found out that she was really questioning her path, and had been looking for a sign as to what to do. I had unwittingly delivered a message that gave her some real clarity. It was truly magical!

How to Deal

You can always choose not to listen to that wee voice. The energy will find a way of getting itself done. If I hadn’t given her the candle, the woman at the festival would have found her sign somewhere else. Perhaps it is easier to simply be gracious, and work the will of the Gods when you are called to do so.

These things go the other way around, sometimes. You might find something that doesn’t belong to you, come to realize it does. Can’t tell you how many times neighborhood cats have adopted a Witch for themselves! Or if someone leaves something at your home and it never gets returned, or you find something in a box you didn’t know you had… Tools belong to the element of Earth, and although it is the most solid form of energy, there are ways that it can move too.

Have You Seen Me?

I wonder if sometimes things don’t have our energy imprint on them. I think it is especially important to consecrate ritual tools before we use them, so the tool knows it is attached to us. Sometimes the signs are just too clear, and are there to teach us a lesson. These last few years, I’ve had a problem keeping an Athame around. I had been shopping for the perfect one, found one that made me smile (although it didn’t have that “totally me” vibe I was going for), and started using it. Well, I used it once or twice and never saw it again. I’m afraid it might mean that I have a problem delineating boundaries (for that is what the tool is for), or that my ability to perform leadership roles is compromised (for the tool is used to begin and end the ritual). Perhaps if I work on my inner self, the tool will return.

If you want to know what losing your tool means, consider what the tool is used for in circle, and then replace yourself with the circle. A missing wand could show that you aren’t directing your action well. A lost candle may mean missing passion in your life. A broken mirror may mean your perceptions about your identity are off. Try it and let me know what you come up with.

Our tools can become a large part of us, and changing tools can be difficult when we become attached to them. But we know that She Changes Everything She Touches, so next time you lose a tool or altar item consider the fact that, apparently, it doesn’t belong to you.

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Why Christianity Is Not Working 2

December 23rd, 2009 jamiefreeman 2 comments

Effects of Modernism and Postmodernism

One can see in the art and literature the trends of a culture, and I think the biggest challenge for Biblical preaching is modernism and postmodernism. Indeed one can hardly have one without the other. Rabbi David Lapin describes modernism correctly as the automatic rejection of “old” ideas, “Modernism is the odd notion that mankind should view revolutionary change as inherently good. It is the views that, almost by definition, modifying today’s society will produce a better tomorrow” (Lapin 1999). This bodes well for our economy, as old things are discarded to make room for new products and commodities, but it rejects the notion that anything could be learned from the past. Ironically modernism was perhaps at its height during the 50’s and 60’s (a time that many cultural critics hearken back to nostalgically), when schools and education were being reformed in the destructive ways mentioned earlier in this essay. When modernism becomes consumerism, it starves the soul. If ideas about spirituality are consumed in the process, nothing takes root. The focus is on quantity, not quality; on breadth, not depth. There is no space for reflection, let alone application. Listeners at a sermon might react with “I’ve heard it before! What’s next?”

Consumerism feeds the natural human desire for instant gratification. But while our ancestors worked long and hard to grow food, and sat down to enjoy the evening meal with the family; our culture has given us fast food. Lapin reflects on this: “The rapid growth of fast food, however, conditioned us to the notion that anytime and anywhere is suitable for a snack or meal….Or national personality was shifting. We became more self-indulgent and less disciplined; more attuned to immediate gratification than to what was best of the long-term” (1999). Technology may have made life easier, but our problems are more complex than ever because of it. We expect fast, easy solutions. We expect to sort through things to find what is relevant, we are taught to weed through data to find answers that apply to our lives. Our culture isn’t looking for truth, because the truth isn’t always easy.

Postmodernism, on the other hand, goes beyond that. Quoting the neoconservatism philosopher “Irving Kristol defines ‘postmodern art’ as a ‘politically charged art that is utterly contemptuous of the notion of educating the tastes and refining the aesthetic sensibilities of the citizenry. Its goal, instead, is deliberately to outrage those tastes and to trash the very idea of an aesthetic sensibility’” (Medved, 1992). This is, perhaps, where the anti-moral filth in Hollywood comes from. Its purpose is to offend and shock.

But there is more to postmodernism than that. It is a reaction to everything that has come before. Americans may not remember well their own history, and modernism may have us ripping down buildings that have not had a chance to become historic, but Americans remember atrocities. One need only look at World Wars I and II, and lament with T.S. Elliot in The Waste Land to illustrate this point. I work at a private school in Bellevue, with students from all walks of life, where I co-teach a class about art, culture, and contemporary society. These kids cannot understand what is so miraculous about a Jackson Pollack painting. They do not see the genius of the Sistine Chapel ceiling. They figure you could just take a picture of something if you wanted it to look real. They miss the art because they have seen just about everything. Only the most atrocious and abominable images get any reaction to it. They aren’t trained to see the subtlety of brushstrokes, or understand the religious symbolism, or understand the suffering by the artist to create beauty. And why should they, when Pollack has been highly copied, and you can get Michelangelo’s “Hand of God” printed on a t-shirt? They know that art is supposed to move them, but it takes a lot to do so.

For Biblical preachers, their duty becomes more difficult as people in our culture turn against the methods for the very same reason they turn against modern art. They see traditional things as threatening and cling to science for truth. The professional atheist Dawkins argues with religionists saying that “of course, dyed-in-the-wool faith-heads are immune to argument, their resistance built up over years of childhood indoctrination using methods that took centuries to mature (whether by evolution or design). Among the more effective immunological devices is a dire warning to avoid even opening a book like this [a book about atheism], which is surely a work of Satan” (2006). As a member of this culture, it is difficult to turn away from the many accomplished and important people who have publicly turned away from faith. The inventor of the new physics Einstein has said “I am a deeply religious nonbeliever. This is a somewhat new kind of religion…The idea of a personal God is quite alien to me and seems even naïve” (as quoted in Dawkins, 2006).

Kids These Days

One author declared that “If there is a moral movement in each generation, we need to know the direction and the velocity of the movement. This helps us understand what tomorrow might look like, and it helps us decide whether we welcome that particular vision of tomorrow for our children” (Lapin, 1999). I am here to tell you: the future for Biblical preaching ain’t pretty. Being receptive to Biblical preaching requires a certain thinking paradigm which does not mesh with our current culture.

For the high school students at the school I work for, these students come from non-religious families that celebrate secular holidays and mostly pay lip-service to Christianity. Of the twenty-five or so kids I work with on a regular basis, only one identifies herself as Christian, and could find her way around a Bible. Others claim to be “spiritual, but not religious” as if they are afraid of the very word. There is very little that moves them, except for intolerance. They are politically and socially moderate, only advocating change if it seems like it will work quickly, and won’t trample on anybody’s freedom of speech or expression. They are terrified of somebody telling them what to think, yet are generally obedient to authority. There is a general lethargy to their generation: they would rather play video games than work, they are barely able to imagine their own futures, and they absolutely do not believe they can have any impact on the world. It is hard to say how much we must explain this with simple adolescent development, and how much is due to the culture they are indoctrinated into.

As a teacher, I was taught to avoid religious topics whenever possible, unless I wanted to cover all religions equally, in an academic manner. Teachers are to avoid sharing their religion with their students, which means they are not permitted to be a role model in this area. While there is a general expectation that teachers will have Christian values, they are not allowed to share them, or talk to students about how morals are shaped. Apparently, in order to create a society that has certain freedoms, those liberties are not extended to the very people responsible for passing them on.

What is Needed

To be receptive to Biblical preaching, one must have a belief that some things are absolute and true. Christians find this truth in the Bible, which contains God’s truth, His plan, and His expectations of us. Indeed, true Christians believe that “the words of the Bible are inspired of God. Divine inspiration has rendered the Bible infallible….The inspired Book is inerrant” (Holland, 1998). But our culture of secularism has taught us to look to science for answers, and to look to our subjective experiences to reason out what is true for us as individuals. This goes against the idea that Biblical preaching is for everyone.

To be receptive to Biblical preaching, one must also have a fear of the unknown. The Bible contains answers to the unknown by offering salvation through Jesus Christ. But American culture is based so much on instant gratification, especially through information, that I doubt people worry much about what is unknown. They can read about what other cultures believe, and they can look to science for answers (the answers of which, to me, seems quite soul-less and depressing!). The information is so overwhelming, that it is easy to just assume that someone somewhere knows the answer, and to give up looking for one’s self. Or one might adopt an answer they have read because it “makes reasonable sense” to them at the time, without regard for any objective truth. Good Christians know that “Salvation, either present, or future, is dependent upon a knowledge of and obedience to the Word of God” (Holland, 1967).

Ultimately, “popular culture…is a man-made product, generated by a surprisingly small community of vulnerable and insecure human beings. That community has reconsidered its values and modified its priorities several times in the past, and future changes are not only possible, they are inevitable” (Medved, 1992). The question is, how can Biblical preachers contend with this? How can they—or should they—change to meet the needs of their congregation living under a new paradigm?

There is much to contend with! It is clear that these paradigms do not fit together. While that is not to say that Biblical preaching is irrelevant, preachers must be aware of what they are working against, and do what is in the scope of their power and experience to create change. To reach this generation, the preacher to be aware of their real problems and offer comfort and real answers, not fear, prejudice and damnation. Appealing to the emotions of  the congregation by scaring them into baptism is not going to work. Rather, the preacher must find the truth as he or she knows it, and make it relevant. They need to re-teach, and coax the starving soul back to health.

Bibliography

Bloom, A (1987). The Closing of the American Mind: How Higher Education has Failed Democracy and Impoverished the Souls of Today’s Students. New York: Simon and Schuster.

Dawkins, R (2006). The God Delusion. New York, New York: Bantam Press.

Goodreads, Inc, (2009). Quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Retrieved July 23, 2009, from Goodreads Web site: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/38442

Holland, T (1998). Preaching: Principles and Practice. Brentwood, Tennessee: Penmann Books.

Holland, T. (1967). Sermon Design and Delivery. Shreveport, LA: Gussie Lambert Publications.

Lapin, D (1999). America’s Real War: An Orthodox Rabbi Insists that Judeo-Christian Values are Vital for our Nation’s Survival. Oregon: Multnomah Publishers, Inc..

Medved, M. (1992). Hollywod vs. America: Popular Culture and the War on Traditional Values. New York, New York: Harper Collins Publishers.

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